that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
