He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
