YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
