Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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