Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
