Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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