I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
