you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
