also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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