Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
