mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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