I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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