i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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