i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
