dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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