I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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