got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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