just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
