Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
