Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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