My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
