I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
