i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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