It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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