I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
