i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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