can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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