screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
