what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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