Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
