Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
