Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
