He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
