Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
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