I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
