hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
