My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
