Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
