she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
