i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
