Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I didn't notice because vodka
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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