My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
