put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
