I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
