I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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