dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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