Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
