the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
