i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
