I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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