with your own penis?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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