I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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